Sunday, 4 December 2011

Same Sex Marriage, go on you know you want to!

Following a recent bit of chat on twitter where I found the 140 character limit, well, limiting I thought i'd do a wee blog post about my feelings on same sex marriage, so here it is, in a nutshell. I can't help but think that the Church of Scotland and the Catholic Church are just plain wrong about how same-sex marriage could be damaging to society. Their desire to protect and defend 'traditional' marriage strikes me as ridiculous and is to my mind a fine place to start.

As far as I can see, the idea of traditional marriage is dying in this country and rightly so. Women are no longer given away by their fathers in any real sense of the word. Traditional marriage was about transferring ownership and responsibility for the poor hapless woman, from the hands of her father to those of a new man who could take care of her, look after her finances etc. Then there's the ceremonial traditions, how many modern brides can claim that their white dress reflects their virginal purity? This is all before getting into the fact that marital rape was only properly outlawed in Scotland in 1989, I'll say it again folks, 1989! I could go on citing many examples of what 'traditional' marriage is, and what is represented by the various parts of the wedding ceremony along with the legal status of the participants, but what I'm getting at is that the idea of traditional marriage is not a good one. 

What does make sense, and good social policy is to recognise what marriage means now, and why people get married in this day and age. I've had the pleasure of attending five weddings this year along with a civil partnership ceremony. All of which were beautiful and all of which I was glad to have been a part of. Having seen so many friends tie the knot recently and having big conversations with the happy couples about their aspirations, hopes and dreams I can honestly say that all the couples I'm friendly with have married for love and the desire to have a lifelong companion. None of them married for any reason other than a firm desire to be together, forever, sharing their lives by forming their own little family unit. This is right and true and decent and good and powerful and a thing to be encouraged. 

This is not traditional marriage, there were no dowries, or transfer of estates. None of the participants lost their virginity on their wedding night. All of them lived together prior to their wedding, and all of them made an informed, adult decision to commit to a life together through thick and thin, for the rest of their days. This is not traditional marriage, this is modern marriage and it is a beautiful heart-warming thing. Why then would we as a society have any problem with allowing every consenting adult in the country to make this decision regardless of gender or sexual orientation?   

The opposition from religious groups tends to centre around a few key arguments, which strike me as misguided, ill informed nonsense and feels like they're clutching at straws.

First comes the idea that allowing same-sex marriage could put off heterosexual couples from getting married. This is my favourite, because it's so ridiculous it's actually laughable. I can't imagine any couple, ever, when planning to make a lifelong commitment to one another, living in a society where civil partnership is lawful, giving even a nanosecond’s consideration to what any other couple is up to, or allowed to do in law, regardless of their sexual orientation. Couples getting married, do so thinking only of each other and their future together, nothing else!

Then there's the idea that the 'equality agenda' is out to get the church and they'll eventually be forced to marry gay couples. No one can be compelled to perform a marriage ceremony, and the new legislation won't change that. Anyway, what couple in their right mind would choose to be wed by a dour faced, disapproving homophobic priest being forced against his will to perform a ceremony? C'mon now guys get real! 

If I'm honest, as a heterosexual man I'd like the option to enter into a civil partnership with a woman. I like the idea of deciding to spend my life with someone and having the ability to enter into a relationship which is legally designed to be a relationship of equals, a partnership. There are parts of the world today where marriage is akin to slavery, with the woman becoming for all intents and purposes the property of her husband, while that's no longer the case in this country I'm not too keen on carrying on the tradition. 

All that said I’m just scratching the surface, however I can't help but think that anyone who wants to make a lifelong commitment to their partner in a loving, consensual adult relationship should absolutely be allowed to do so, in addition it should not only be endorsed by the state, but actively encouraged!


  1. a dear friend sent me this link after I posted the blog you've just read. Have a watch, it made me smile!

  2. Maureen Millerson5 December 2011 at 01:33

    I couldn't have said it better myself! X

  3. You are right. To be honest I really dont think that the Church or any church should be any kind of fixed guide on what is morally right or wrong anyway. Religion is a personal choice and one which should never be imposed upon others. We live in a society where the majority do not follow any one religion, and many who do do so in name only. Why on earth should two men or two women who want to live together and make a peaceful and loving commitment to one another be told that they are wrong by an organisation which in the past made a good job of torturing the living hell out of thousands of people or killing them in religious wars etc?

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  5. The UK didn't outlaw marital rape until 1991!!

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